swwet lyf

2011-07-17T21:40:00.000+08:00

Happy 4th birthday Danish! :D

2011-07-05T19:47:00.002+08:00

yesterday i had two nightmares. one, all the ppl who rewang that time during my bro's wedding were hanging out at idk where. then suddenly iwann said smthg.

iwann: ehh smalam aku g satu tempat nie. pelacur smua baik2 sial. gd service ttm nye! (irry just kept quite)

(Zul, rudy, rasheed & aisyah went speechless tooo)

bby: baik pe. kau tk tau nak ajak aku. g skrg uhh. mendak siol.

me: ahh bgos uhh tuhh. laki perangai da gian cm nie uhh.

bby: ehh u knape? wann jln uhh.

& they head to iwann's bike. O.O

i ran aft them & zul ran aft me. while crying,

me: b, u tkmo mepek uhh favour sia.
bby: ni euhh pompan, da bising kat kite beyy skrg nak melalak plak. leceh uhh.
me: *so heartbroken & return him back the necklace and ran*

didnt know that i was running towards a busy road. so i was hit and died.

second dream was, rewind back to the lepak part but iwann nvr say anything abt prostitudes. all of us were damn tired so we wann to go back to the chalet and off to bed. but we cant! cause there are "cik kaks" all around us!

-.-" what a dream mansssss! & idkw whenever a i dreamt abt breaking up w bby or wtvr bad dream abt my relationship w baby, zul will always be chasing aft me. hahahah! i think its because of whenever i gt prob w bby i always cry on Zul first. hehhs.

bf dreamt that he punched a guy who asked for my no. HAHAHAHAH! funny but cute. hehhs.

everyday without fail, i will always dream of baby, be it good or bad dreams. (:

2011-07-04T19:58:00.002+08:00

ive been watcing this movie lately. & ive been listening to the song almost everyday. idk its been almost 2 weeks and i am still crying about it. prolly due to pms? idkidkidkidk.

can u imagine i hold back my tears, and cry so much *randomly* when i was hanging out with bf? well, ive asked around what are their opinions for the ship to sink. alot of response of course but i believe, its due to they confidently said " this ship is unsinkable" i mean we all know how this could change as long as He wants to change it.

ahhhh! i hope this unstable emotions will be stable again soon. pls pls pls! ='(

2011-06-26T20:18:00.002+08:00

Congratulations bro! ure leading a new chapter of life now, be patience with any obstacles Allah tests. believe in Him and never gives up, insyaallah things will be fine.

it feels so fast. i feel damn old already. second bro will be planning for his soon. idk, i was speechless but yet happy for today. doesnt start good for me, i throw my anger to baby's friends, and im really so sorry. im feeling lost and i really dk what to do.

i really thank all my frens and baby's frens for helping us out. really thanks alot. & thank to fazlin, matin, zaf an an for coming down to the wedding too. i really appreciate all the effort. ((:

2011-06-19T21:36:00.001+08:00

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY! it was a surprise so non are prepared. when i reached home just now,

ayah: ehhh whats that? *pointing to the bag*

me: idkkk. u see uhh.

ayah: whats this? ehh cake untuk ayah ehh? =D

me: hahaha who else right?

so yea finally i saw that happy face on my dad. since it was a surprise so my parents are masai. hehe.

2011-06-18T20:28:00.001+08:00

RYAN REYNOLDSSSS!

hehehe he's damn cute. cant stop watching the proposal again and again. hehhs. and his body! ahhhhhh! *melts* sorry pic blur. its kinda small so i enlarge it then end up blur. i like that pic alot. aiyoyoyo. why u so cute one. why ur body so hot one. i cant stop pestering bf abt ryan.

okayy i cant stop melting. hehehehehhe.

2011-06-16T20:07:00.003+08:00

today bf sweet talk alot. hehhs. maybe i shouldnt say sweet talk luhh its more to serious confessions. which will happen once in a blue moon. so of course in the end i couldnt stop smiling. hehhs.

well, time pass by kinda slow for us in the morning. during break he text

b: if only time fly slow when im with you
m: awww <3 why u so sweet?
b: i feel like i just wanna spend time with u.

& later he texted
b: b, i gt a secret to tell u.
m: okayy what is it?
b: i miss you.

omg i re read the text like upteen times man. the last time i heard him confessing that he miss me was my 18th birthday. how long is that?

i love it when he called me up randomly. but it made me feel awkward /:

& throughout my relationship w bf, ive witnessed a lot of changes in him. im so thankful to see those effort made by him to change. insyaallah slowly he will eventually turn into a better man and guide me through. amin. ((:

i love u syg. cant wait to meet u tmr.

2011-06-13T20:14:00.003+08:00

at work i was damn restless, couldnt think straight, couldnt write properly, head spinning without knowing the reason why. prolly it may be due to 4 things:

1) bf is sick. alhamdulillah he's feeling way better now.
2) i still havent start on my major project. im still waiting for my supervisor to come back from leave for him to discuss with me more about the project.
3) Tiffany, an intern from NP, is gonna leave soon as her intern ends next week. which means im gonna juggle all by myself. gosh idk how to be a secretary for three guys alone.
4) bro's marriage.

hope i could talk to him and insyaallah he will listen to his sister's advise.

ayah: when you're in a relationship, dont meet ur partner too often or talk to him otp everyday. let the feeling of missing and loving someone grow deeper. so that when both of u meet, u wont even thought of fighting cause even when you're feeling mad, the feeling of missing someone could overcome the anger u felt. also dont spend too much on ur dates, save it for ur marriage. and once u re finally his wife, both of u will feel the satisfaction, "finally, he/she is officially my husband/wife" that way you would appreciate your marriage and would sacrifice anything just to save it. and the only thing that could save it is the deep love that u felt when you're in a relationship. Marriage is hard especially when both of u are mad and thats when u'll get "bored". but once both of u realise its a commitment and with a child connecting both of u, u will avoid anything that would bring down the marriage.

i'd rather my dad gives me this kinda advise than scold me when i did wrong.

holding hands, hugs, kisses and simple dinner is what im hoping for when i grow old with my partner. cause this sweet path that im going through, i dont wann it to be a happy ending. cause i just dont want it to end.

2011-06-12T22:33:00.002+08:00

today was a movie marathon with baby. we watched something borrowed and hangover 2. something borrowed was quite a disappointment cause whats the ending? what happened to their friendship since so young? hangover2 was funny. but according to baby, hangover was better.

headed to Zara for baby to do his shopping. had mine yesterday and i spent 80 bucks on 3 things and baby spent 90 bucks on one thing. :/ why guy's dressing super ex oneee?

alhamdulillah, my prayers was answered. although i had some rough time here and there, my hope of spending every second w baby filled of smiles and laughters didnt shatter. (:

he still shop around with me although he was feeling sick. he never fail to keep making me laugh although he's weak. thanks baby, it was a breakaway weekend for me.

bro's wedding coming up in 2 weeks time. reminding my friends who ive invited to rewang tgt. dont forget its on the 25 and 26 june. not to worry, baby and i will remind u guys again via text. ((: looking forward for the lovely day. gonna go to bed now. gdnight!

2011-06-08T19:43:00.002+08:00

i have alot of work to do. im a secretary for 3 guys. can u imagine how life would be? not only that i have my own major project plus my own jobs that i need to do like issueing of PPE and etc etc etc.

for now i have 2 projects to be done. which i really dk where to start. haiya i cnt complain here cause ive complained everything to bf so ive forget abt the stress moments in the office.

anw, while i was eating dinner just now,

ayah: remember ehh if u dont have 20k, u dont get married.

and i remember mama telling bf,

mama: kalau kau tkle ade kn 30K kau tkmo kawin.

its alot of money we know. but thats not it right, wann to buy house, money for daily survival, and once we re really settled, we have to save for children. gosh this makes me scared to face the 2nd chapter of life next yr. /:

2011-06-07T19:34:00.002+08:00

received a message in fb and this is what he messaged me. -.- idkw he damn irritating but he can still get ppl to layan me. and one of them is me. -_-

my boss so nice. he treat me lunch just now. alhamdulillah. yesterday was free buffet and today was free lunch. i managed to save 10 bucks. i guess? aiya first day cab to tuas. lucky im not alone sia it was freaking $28.90 bucks! #@$$%%#@@$

2011-06-06T19:58:00.002+08:00

today i am officially an office girl. the one who do filing, issue ppe, call in for stock and the best part is to be seated next to the boss. -.- i am comfortable w my job with allowance of 600 bucks. but im worried about my MP. haish i really hope i ll get a finalised title soon.

yesterday, it was a day out with bf and danish. went to Ehub downtown east to bring Danish to play the indoor playground. it was damn full, the kids there are aggressive that bf had to follow Danish whereever he goes. which is good, at least bf get to enjoy himself too. well, as usual, ppl will be asking us:

"whats ur child's name?"

"so ur child will be playing for how long?"

even when we went to eat at BBQ chic, they didnt give us the student price menu. when we asked for it, they all give priceless faces. -.-

i miss bf alrdy although it was just yesterday i met him. :((

2011-06-04T20:36:00.002+08:00

just now baby was doing cashier and he was taking this one regular customer order. i was from the bar station and i went next to baby and lay my head on his shoulder. customer was shocked and asked baby

C: ur sister?
B: no
me: yes!

after customer gone i asked baby
me: when the customer asked if i was ur sister why u said no?
B: no luhh. i wann him to know that ure my gf lak. -.-

awwwwww <3 hehehehehehe.

happy 20th monthsary baby. may more to come. i love you. (:

2011-06-03T23:43:00.000+08:00

happy 19th birthday Saiful Amirul (:

2011-06-01T22:41:00.002+08:00

bf have a back problem since sec 5. the pain come and goes and i really cant bear to hear him saying that he's in pain. i told him to go for check up but he die die don wann to. i kept quiet just listen to him cause i understand it will be costly. but i really cant stand it when he gave me pathetic reasons that ive gave to him before and he get super uptight.

ive nvr been so mad to bf before and to fight over twitter was the last thing i could ever think of. but im glad hes going to polyclinic tomoro. and i really hope his condition will get better soon. insyaallah.

2011-05-31T15:23:00.004+08:00

my most favourite trainer! HENRY!

haha. okayy this is iibrahim.

anw! today was our last day! fuih im glad its over. really looking frward for today! (((: final exam? dont talk abt it. insyaallah i'll pass (:

CPTC is really a torture but a gd experience afterall. all the early in the morning rides to jurong island. all the mee cups and campbells. all the jumpsuit. all the shift training are done! this training creates bond btwn ppl who dont even talk to each other, im so excited abt it. yeaaa finally make new friends. hehh. aluhh actually idk what to talk abt CPTC but guess im gonna miss bits and bits of the moment spent there.

Henry: idayu where are you?

iibrahim: idayu? here, right in front of me.

me: how u know my name?

iibrahim: how YOU know my name?

me: OBVIOUS! ure a trainer seii.

iibrahim: likewise, u are a trainee.

me: but u dont train me.

faz: then whats my name?

iibrahim: u uhh? errm eerrrm aminah kot!

faz: WTF?!

me: hah! u dont evem know her name. have u been checking me out lately? hahahahahah!

iibrahim: check u out?! like i gt time only. -.-

me: HAHAH! denial! then how u know my name? *evil laugh*

im gonna miss henry and iibrahim nonsense!

2011-05-27T22:25:00.002+08:00

now we re suffering 8 hrs of self study daily. gosh the final exam is in 3 more days. but im still not interested to revise. can say the ans are right in front of my eyes but my brain just dont wanna digest them. sighhs.

tiara: cher, u wann not?
Iibirahim: junk foods? nahh i dont eat junk food.
me: HUHHH?! step tk mkn junk food je. perut tgk skit.
Iibrahim: what? im the most macho guy in this island. my perut flat pe, whats wrong w it?
me: HHAHAH! flat luhh sgt kn? -.-
Iibrahim: tskk! have u been checking me out? *cheeky smile*

-.- stop it sak perangai. hahaha!

2011-05-25T20:29:00.000+08:00

shift training done. now waiting for final exams. haishhaish

2011-05-22T22:16:00.003+08:00

end of day 2 shift work! ^^ trust me i seriously dont understand what is going on. but i will still try my best to get as much info & do well for my final. if still fail, wtvr alrdy uhh. no point forcing myself to like smthg that i dont like right? sooo i know where im attached to alrdy. its at TUAS! yaayyyyy! -.- tkle jauh lagi pe. actually jurong is the only place chem eng can be.

okayy anw, as yknow chem eng is subdivided into 3. fuels, water and pharmaceutical. i was really hoping that i will do lab work under pharmaceutical and alhamdulillah, i got it! :DD so if im comfortable in that job scope, i plan to continue working there after graduation while i continue my studies in accounting. so at least have some income u see. insyaallah, this will be my plans for future.

my dad send me to the busstop early in the morning & he talked about my bros. i hate to talk about it seriously. perangai budak kecik aku tkde mase nak layan ehh pls. but my dad said this to me:
"u are our last hope"
sighsigh. i know i am and thats the reason why im pressurizing myself. yes my parents dont but i do have high expectations. :((

since cptc starts, we have been quarelling alot really leads us to some fights. at times i feel like they suddenly dont understand me at all and just supported some strangers who they dont even talk to. but no matter how much im tempted to kill them, i still love them a whole lot! :D

and for this kecik, i'll meet u on the 31 kayy! lets laugh like how we used to. miss you too bby.

2011-05-19T21:43:00.003+08:00

i fear to be fooled again. which i believe, & trying not to put my hopes up high, that u wont repeat it. it is still hurting, when its supposed to be cured long time ago. i still allow u to go and rely on that little trust for u. however, somehow i have this feeling that i will soon ask u to make a choice. ppl kept saying that im strong; but i know myself well enough to say that im dying inside. i wish i could trust u as much as i used to. i wish i could just let u go freely feeling secured that u wont do anything dumb. but thats naive. i mean hello this is reality. we did created a perfect start, but it wouldnt be perfect throughout.

distance; it wasnt as bad as i thought it would be. the excitement on ur face made me feel as though u have just fallen in love w me again.

"i was thinking abt u right before u called me up"
"the moment u left, i miss u"
"Its feels good to be hugging you and to be hugged by you. It feels like forever sia. =) ♥"
"i love you baby"

no matter what happened, u never fail to tell me u love me, u never fail to keep showing me that you love me. thanks alot, for u are the first to reciprocate my love for you. ♥♥♥♥♥

2011-05-12T22:48:00.000+08:00

helllooooo! like finally i can update my blog. well daily training plus weekly test make me wanna faint. today was our mid yr paper. i really hope i ll get gd results. cause i am afraid that i wont be confident for my finals. plus plus although i dont plan to work in this industry *theres a slight change in my future plan* i still wann to get the certificate. yknow at least smthg to feel good about for this training.

due to this training, my menu is limited, i cant watch movies, lack of sleep * my eye bags are really getting worse* etc etc etc. i cant stand it. for lunch i eat campbell soup & for dinner i ll eat maggie. yes every single day. tell me how depressing is that?

everybody tapao food from home. my mum is working so thats the reason why im eating all this junks? speaking of junks, during lectures we keep munching & i swear my tummy fats is getting bigger! but mine is soft fats. atiqah is jealous of it. hehehehehehe!

our daily routine : 1130 reach JI eat lunch, 1230 start lecture 4pm dinner 430pm practical 730pm dissmissed.

every single day doing the same thing. but tmr i'll be having full day of practical *fainting* so i REALLY need my rest tonight.

move on from that, i guess Henry have charisma? haha. idk to me he dont have the looks, he look fierce. but he could just make everyone happy & laugh abt him but of course the guys arent as bad as the girls luhh. hehh. he could just pamper us joke w us like nobody's buisness & he s married. okayy so what right? but it makes me think: i told baby before that w him keep on entertaining girls & stuff they could have their own illusion or whatsoever feelings of "crush" and stuff. like how henry is. but from what i see henry treats every of us, girls, the same. so maybe thats how baby treats his other girl friends too? *thinking*

so 2 exams down, shift training & final exams left to go. then im free from this training!! shift training starts next thurs. so heres my schedule:

thurs: off
fri: off
sat: 8am to 8pm
sun: 8am to 8pm
mon: off
tues 8pm to 8am
wed: off

i swear i hate this. if i work morning, the weather will make me melt like ice cream luhh. then if night shift, my mind will shut down. ahhh! FML!

talking about baby, i have only sundays & 2 to 3 hours to spend time w him. both of us are busy & tired due to school stuffs, we hardly communicate. maybe cause now we dont have any topics to talk about? i feel that way. but till when will this continue? idk.

me: distance w strong communication w no miscommunication is fine.

faz: but distance could make feelings to fade.

sighsigh. in this kind of condition, cant i have smthg to motivate me to be strong? why i keep hearing negative stuffs.

see i ve told u, im useless.

2011-05-06T22:56:00.001+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUHD ZULFADLI BIN HUSSIN! :DDDD

btol tk spelling name bapak dier? :/

2011-05-05T23:02:00.002+08:00

i have a coursemate name Nazri. he is in the same group as me so we had this conversation while doing our practical.

N: Ayu, is faz pretty?
M: why dont u ask syed & saiful? i mean they are guys. shouldnt they be judging girls?
N: no i dont trust guys words on girls. so thats why i asked u.
M: of course luhh she pretty. all girls are pretty. its just that there is prettier girls out there. the only ugly girls are low confidence & low self esteem girls.
N: so u re pretty too right?
M: why u say so?
N: u have the confidence!
M: haha. u re wrong. im ugly. i have low confidence & low self esteem.
N: what?! why sia?
M: everyday i look at myself in the mirror with this lil voice running through my mind "ure one ugly shit"
N: O.O

i guess im starting to build up my facade again. thats the only way to live happily.

2011-05-04T23:11:00.002+08:00

no Henry = life's a torture!
Henry is one of the best trainers in cptc. another is librahim. they super best but now they need to be away from us for 2 weeks. & its torturous luhh. another part time trainer came in. he's old, but he's experienced. i cant deny that.

but aft like a week we're used to Henry, finally we feel comfortable w him & he is pampering us. awwww. i miss him alot. he made us laugh when he know we're bored. he allow us to sleep for 30 mins when he know we're tired. but of course we didnt. in return, Henry released us super early & i really love his way of training. :((

kay enough of henry. hehh

one exam done, 2 more to go. when's my next exam? 8 days more! &%$*$&%$&$
on the brighter side, we're one step ahead to end of CPTC! yayy! although i dont plan/intend to work in this industry, i really wann that certificate. at least, its smthg worth right?

hahah! one of my coursemate is head over heels to this middle east guy? i think so luhh. what i know they look a lil like arabians or russians. anwwwwss, she was super shy when he was buying a drink in the pantry so she went out. i just wanna take a closer look at why she's so into him without realising that he, at the same time, was looking at me & smiled. so of course i return his smile & of course, she's jealous. nyahahahahahah!

well, thats it abt my training. wanna do logbook now. these weekend im gonna be busy celebrating birthdays! (:

2011-05-03T23:45:00.001+08:00

im this pale now. gosh the training really drained out my energy mansx! tmr i have an exam to sit for. wish me luck. i feel like fainting alrdy. &&& ive gained back 4 kgs! @#^&&$^#%@^&

"thank you for you are my definition of best boyfriend" (:

2011-04-26T19:34:00.003+08:00

TODAY! WEEK 1 DAY 2
& im alrdy super tired. *sigh* idk how to explain. but all i can say is that this cptc is very depressing. no choice right? i still have to do it. i really need to work hard to improve my results. plus if i fail this cptc = no certificate = plans for future ruined. :((

despite feeling so helpless, i didnt get any motivation.

anyway, as yknow it is at Jurong Island. we have 3 buses to drive us there; one bus for AM shift, 2 buses for PM shift. but for the first 3 days we have to go together under one shift, 9-5. so the buses should be at tamp inter by 715 am. the first bus taking the AM shift should proceed to Jurong Interchange for the west students. so in the end we have 2 buses still with us for the east students right? got the picture? if not, read again. nyahahah.

but there was a miscommunication between the drivers this morning. the driver who is supppose to fetch the AM shift + west students went straight to Jurong. so in the end only 2 buses came to Tamp. thinking that one bus is for AM shift & another bus is late, we follow as planned. later, we found out the miscommunication. so my cliques & some others had to wait for another 45 mins for another bus to come.

ouh & i forgot smthg. today, unlike yesterday, we had to meet at Tamp/Jurong inter straight instead of school. i thought we still had to meet at school so i woke up at 515am to catch the 615am bus to come. from punggol to tamp, during off peak hours, the journey would be only 15 mins. when i was on my way in the bus, faz called me up to reconfirm the place. & thats when i know the meeting place is at Tamp inter. -.- so i reached Tamp at 630am when we're suppose to meet at 715am. FUCK right? & not to forget im starting to fall sick & eyebags due to the sudden change & lack of sleep.

so back to the bus story. the bus came at 8am & we reached JI at 845 am. kinda fast there wasnt any traffic jam. we went for the "inspection" moment & found out that the bus left us. (the bus had to send us all the way in where we are trained at) -.- so we had to wait for another bus cause that bus driver dont have the JI Pass( need it to enter JI). like WTF sia. our class starts at 9am. so we had to wait for another 15-20 mins. had fun waiting huh? -.-

reached our training hall at 925am, then the course starts. its all about safety. its actually a short course but it was lengthen cause they had to repeat it twice. like wtvr for? BFH class was the same sia. aft everything we had to sit one easy test. then we were released early, at 4pm.

received a news.
"7th may is polling day. u dont have to attend for classes. but u have to come down on 8th may"
wahh this part really pissed me off. 8th may, its ibu's birthday.

last year it was a fucked up bday celebration. i was really looking forward for this year's but i cant be there for the celebration. can u imagine how sad i was?

baby is meeting herleen today. baby suddenly text me saying that rudy, zul rasheed & matin are tagging along. so i said i also wann to follow. *i thought at least i could laugh or smthg to make my day better?* so i went to meet baby at his school. i was really expecting him to be damn excited cause he have not met leen for 6 mnths or more? but he wasnt. i knew smthg was wrong, im not in a gd mood, i didnt wanna ruin my/ his evening so i went home reluctantly. i didnt had the chance to tell him about my day. i didnt had to chance to tell him how sad i was that i couldnt celebrate ibu's birthday. but nvm, i bet aft he read this (i doubt he did) he will know why im kinda restless today. hope he have a nice evening w his lovely friends (:

so now i need to force myself to do the tutorial & memorise for the upcoming exam. which will be on next wednesday. i know im giving up, but now i desperately need motivation.

so that was it, MY FUCKED UP DAY.

2011-04-23T23:35:00.002+08:00

wow. this week is super tiring week. like really man. everytime i work fucking busy. i really surrendered. till i had no choice but asked aqilah for help. to cover my shift tomoro. im too tired. i really need rest. so sorry & thank you aqilah. really appreciate ur help.

so tonight im gonna sleep as much as i can, wake up & then off to baby's house tomoro. last day to spend time w his family & movie w baby. monday will be the first day of training. im so not looking for it. it will be full of hell! :(

2011-04-21T21:44:00.003+08:00

monday was work as usual. wtf! it was only 2 oclock & our sales was 600 bucks. it was monday! weekdays = slack days. but damn idk why these days i work super busy. till my managers dont wanna work w me. cause they said when i work only alot of customers. da uhh quit uhh gini. *majok*

so tues! went to jurong island w syed & atiqah. reached there around 11am make a pass for about 2 hours. & then went back to tamp to eat & meet faz!

making the pass didnt take two hours but waiting for our turn to register took 2 hours. lucky mann! faz went on mon & she had to wait for 4 hrs! my course mate had to wait for 6 freaking hourssss! :O

so yea met faz to cut hair! both of us cut bangs & tadaaaaaaaa! my hair *picture below*

seriously ive never cut bangs before so trust me im fucking awkward. faz & atiqah was super excited, atiqah said irry & i look like sisters now. hehe. then showed baby my new hair & of course he's excited. met irry & she hugged me.*so i take that as she loves it too* my collegues love it too. EXCEPT for my mum & zul. -.-

kayy kayy enough of hair. yesterday baby texted me saying that mama invited me over for abg's birthday celebration. but unfortunately im having training. so cannottt! =(

but! this really shocked me.

bby: actually papa yg invite dier tanye i. kau tk bwk matair kau skali? & he asked mama, tknk ajak anak menantu awak?

*heart beating fast* all this while im really scared of papa. especially when i bumped into him. but he said that? like awwwww!

ibu's birthday coming. hopefully it will work this time round. & i invited bby so lets pray that my parents would open their heart for him just the way his parents did. aminn!

2011-04-18T22:29:00.002+08:00

when i was younger, ibu & 2nd brother used to rub my back gently to sleep. if i were to wake up in the middle of night & cant go back to sleep, first brother will gently play w my nose & i'll doze off to sleep anytime. once im asleep, ayah will slowly come into my room to gently kiss me goodnight. (he still does it actually) hehh. so what i wanna admit tonight is, yes gentle touch could make me go to sleep (: i love to be held like a baby. thats how pampered i could be. & just now baby played gently w my hair. i swear i could just doze off anytime but im at yishun. -.- hahah. my first bf that could find out this abt me. as in he is the only bf who knows what a gentle touch could make me into. hehh

2011-04-17T23:17:00.004+08:00

last fri was a chilling day w lovely schoolmates. we went to shisha & wtf! the price have increased again. initially it was 13 bucks then up to 19 bucks & now its 21 bucks?! geeeeeeeeelerrrrrr siaaa. cekik duit org jerrr :< but then like what saiful said "once in a while" so we do had fun together. afiq was the one who initiated this night. after all those studying tgt, we finally get to chill tgt.

syed: dont worry, we arent wild ppl. (:

hahaha. nice one, we played chinaman? this card game & according to atiqah we were the centre of attraction oppps! :x

well, this week is our final week to rest. next week gonna be a whole hell of 6 months. although ive not went through any attachments before, but i know this gonna be shit. i mean look at the schedule.

mon - fri : 12pm to 8pm (at jurong island)

sat & or sun: 8am to 8pm OR 8pm to 8 am (at jurong island)

shitty much? not to forget we're gonna have exams by end of may. & according to our lecturer, the theory which is 25% of the whole assesment will make us fail. when practical which carries 60% of the assesment cant be of any help. &&&&& if we're sick we have to produce MC plus we will be graded 0 for that absence. now tell me how can it not be shitty? :(((((

so thats all for school wise.

next! saturday, basic food hygiene class. tortured since 10am to 8pm. alhamdulillah the day is over. :DDD initially the day was super dry. well, it was damn early. as in we had to wake up damn early. went for lunch & the chicken was not thoroughly cooked. -.- ruined mine & zul's appetite. zul was damn sick on that day. but he was strong enough to go through the whole day. after lunch, baby made caramel macchicato for himself. & thats when things changed. he was damn hyper, he talk cock also get points. -.- chee siong & sam was the trainers.

CS: how many of u here have children?

bby: *raised hand*

CS: O.o how many children do u have?

bby: still making uhh

me: -.-"

during the oral test was damn funny. CS was aiming on zul & poor zul he was bullied. well, u should be there. i cant explain it here. seriosuly, PECAH PERUT seii! xD

day end by going down to outlet & pass the certificate & saw fareyhin & home home home!

sunday! lovely date w baby love. watched scream 4. ate dinner & just hang around at yshn. didnt do much. was terribly tired. & i didnt get my famous amos. :( nthg much to describe. nevertheless, i really enjoy bby's company very much. (:

&&& happy 18th to irry & iwann. happy 31st to faz & fir. love u all xoxoxoxoxo!

2011-04-11T01:10:00.002+08:00

omgoshh im so not looking forward for attachment. i'll be working mon to sat 12-8. & of course sun i'll br working at cbtl. i need to do my prac; seriously im getting sick of it due to some problems. but i need to perservere. theres a reason behind it. (: & this means i could only meet baby for 2 to 3 hours PER WEEK! pls pls dont make it so bad. :(

2011-04-11T01:08:00.000+08:00

happy 20th birthday bestie (:

2011-04-05T21:48:00.002+08:00

doesnt matter if we smile & laugh or shout & cry, at the end of the day he will still remind me how deeply in love he is with me. <3

2011-04-05T12:52:00.003+08:00

last sun we went to Jurong Bird Park. danish was super excited about it. haha. he knows he gonna look at big birds he dont care anymore about the small birds (normal birds u saw under ur void deck) && irrits yknow he. all the way he sat inside that pram & he complained "danish penat uhh" -.-

overall, birdpark is smaller than zoo. i guess it makes sense right? haha. thanks for the day bf, danish & mama. although my leg was making a problem, i really had a great time with u (:

2011-04-01T23:10:00.002+08:00

just for u to know im not accusing or whatever u might think im trying to do but im just gonna try my very best to share what im feeling for the past three days. okayy shit. idk what to say. again. bottomline, i just feel neglected. & when u said u love me just now, im sorry i didnt say i love u too. i couldnt say it cause i was about to cry, which smthg that im preventing myself to do in front of u. i love u sweetheart.

2011-03-29T22:28:00.000+08:00

this is how i'll look like when im pregnant in future. haha! insyaallah. (:

2011-03-26T22:54:00.004+08:00

today was my basic food hygiene course day. we were late for 30 mins ( thanks to the boys as usual), & we are not allowed to attend the course. -.- wth it was JUST 30 mins compared to that 10 hours of torturing lectures?

might as well just go home right? but yeaaa, somehow our prayers was answered. we didnt wanna go actually. haha. but irrits uhh woke up damn early to go redhill & this happens.

so we bused to toa payoh & had our late breakfast there. ate there till 12pm & then trained home. i went to baby's house.

nie baby kn very manje tau nowadays.
me: saper comel?
danish : DANISH!
me: saper mentel?
danish: DANISH!
me: saper busuk?
danish: DANISH!
me: saper pandai?
danish: DANISH!
me: bagossss. hahahahahahha!

went to chong pang with baby & danish. both of us were holding his hand. everybody looked at us like one kind, haha. kite kn happy family *upup*

me: b, skali they think danish our first child & inside my tummy our second ehh? :o
baby: -.-
i was super boncet these dayssss! eat alottttt! :(

for the very first time i bathed danish.
baby: pas mandikn danish i nye turn lak ehh.
mama: hahahahahah!
me: -.-

his mum laughed? O.o

& so that was all about me spending time with baby's family. (:

then off we went to rasheed's house to have a small celebration. happy 20th birthday rasheed. (:

2011-03-24T21:31:00.002+08:00

yesterday was chalet day. alhamdulillah it went smoothly. (: i dont have the pics when we are at chalet itself, but all this pics are from one stop to another stop we had to make.

so first stop is, zul's house. the guys wanna cook sambal for the stingray to bbq during chalet. reached there arnf 12plus stayed there until 230? *estimated time* what we did : we eat, we watch ghost movie which in the end was a great laughter for us. hehh.

so, at arond 230, we walked from zul's house to baby;s house. so many conversations we had there. one of it is,

zuree: ayu, aizan fit tk?

zul: FIT!

me: kalau dier excercise fit uhh. baru recently i saw his boncet. hahah! biase luhh laki attach, confirm boncet!

*reality check* IWANN & ZUREE boncet! ZUL flat! how now? *upup* hahahah.

me: Zul, that time kn ader org tuhh caye tau yg yishun sec pki 3/4 pants

irry: *squirell noises*

zuree: ehh? serious? ikut fashion ehh?

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH!

so in the end we reached baby's house. i really pity mama, she had to cook 3 rounds. it was a rush though. nie luhh delay delay nye pasal we're not on time. grrr! hehh.

so then we took a cab to chalet. too many stuffs & we only had 2 guys to carry the heavy stuffs. iwann went to meet shames so yeahhh. while driving, we talk nonsense. like seriously! :D

& finally, reached chalet at 4 pm. John came at 230 sia. on time dier. sorry bro. didnt mean to make u wait. he so sweet or what? but monopoly for us. spent like 47 bucks? thanks bro. (:

then i went to fetch bf from sch. we took pics in the train.
me: b, u ambek gmbr mate sepet ehh. hehe
bf: then u wann me to take pic like how? like this? *pic below*

SESUNGGUHNYE LAKI AKU LOYAR BURUK!

2011-03-21T23:23:00.001+08:00

why am i back to chubby chubby chubby chubby chubbyyyyyy?! :(

2011-03-17T21:43:00.002+08:00

im so damn tireddddd. received my results today. wasnt up to expectation. Accounts was my highest. how cool is that? :D make me have the motivation to persue on that studies.

pls pls, allow me to study in accounts. amin (:

2011-03-16T21:51:00.003+08:00

finally we meet. we went to escape theme park. was kinda disappointed actually. rides like pepsi, inverter & etc was removed. so less choices to ride. in the end we play the child's ride too. hehh. it may be an outdated place to go, but the purpose of us meeting is to spent time tgt & just have fun. we grabbed saiful to take the viking, wet & wild, family coaster ride. he was scared but he's brave enough to come w us despite his fear. (:

ouh not to forget 3 of us are sick, saiful, syed & i. saddened much. getting worse now. :(

the best was go kart of course! faz play anyhow only sia. seriously, if we didnt break on time, emergency break, confirm accident sia. hahah. we took both individual & double rides. for double rides, Q was my passenger. she agreed that im a dangerous driver. haha. :D

next we chill at cbtl. played monopoly deal & i went home first. tmr opening. so i really need to get my rest. well, thats how i spent my lovely days with my loves. now i miss them already. :(

2011-03-15T13:05:00.002+08:00

me: b, i lawa tk?
baby: yes b. :)
me: kayy best! i nk jadi stewerdess bleehhhh? :D
baby: then saper nak jage i kat umah nnti?
me: awwww. alalalalalala. kayy kayy accountant kayy?
baby: kayy tuhh best! :D

hahaha, manje nye syg ku nie. <3

2011-03-10T22:23:00.002+08:00

he once said this " i know there will never be another girl who can love me better than u did"

(: i still remember the words till today.

2011-03-10T22:13:00.002+08:00

went for breakfast with beloved here! see how big her thosai was. hahaha. & she finished it off. not bad ehhh. hahaha!
i told irry my conversation with iwann

iwann: kalau aku tk ngan irry confirm irry ngan aizan kn?
me: haha duhhh! da tentu it was btwn u & aizan. -.-
iwann: or maybe she'll be with syuk.
me: no will never happen.

irry: hahah.
me: kalau u ngan aizan, i rase i aim zul. :D
irry: hahahha! later rudy's dream come true. but why iwann must think i will be with someone? why not single?
me: kalau u single, tk ngan aizan, i think aizan will be with aisya. :(
irry: why krg must have this random thought? buat sedeh jeeee! hahah!

then we planned to find new job tgt. so we thought of being a primary sch teacher. for what sub? PHYSICAL EDUCATION! amaciammmm? hahahahaha!

2011-03-07T12:15:00.001+08:00

fazlin tweet that bruno mars coming to singapore. seriously seriously? when seii? :DDD
anw, all the best babe for ur exam today. u can do it! ;D

2011-03-06T12:06:00.001+08:00

Happy belated 19th birthday baby! im so sorry i couldnt make it for the celebration. im having my worst headache ever. although i had 12 hours of rest & a few drugs, im still kinda shaky right now. i really dk what happened. :(

2011-03-03T21:28:00.003+08:00

EXAMS ARE OVERRRRRRR! FREEDOM LUHH SEII! :DDDDDD hehhh yes uhh finally im able to get my mind off the books. lets just pray my careperson wont call me up for a retest kayy. aku malas thanks bye.

sooooo bf was super nice, he made me super excited the min the lecturer said times up! pens down. we went out for movie marathon! best way to celebrate freedom! hehh. so we watched...

super duper cute luhh this show! i cant stop going "awwww" hahaha. & bf like understand tau. whenever i said "awwww" he will hugg me tight. HEEEEEE! :D

& this show tooo! OMG! he's damnnnnnnnnnnnnnn HAWT! cair cair cair all the way. it's an action movie but i hugged bf as though im watching a horror movie. *hides face*

overall? thank you bf for dating w me & help me forget everything abt sch. YOU ARE MY BEST! LOVE U HUNNY BUNNY TEDDY SWEETHEART DARLING SWEETIE DARLING HUBBY BABY! xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

2011-03-02T16:59:00.002+08:00

kayy this is so not helping. lately my mind had flashbacks on what he had done behind my back. its not that im trying to bring up the past or whatsoever, but i realised im still not cured. i thought the wound have become a scar. but i just realised the wounds are still fresh. ive been trying to forget about it but i really cant. & its really affecting my daily life. FUCK THIS!

2011-03-02T16:11:00.001+08:00

hopefully im cured by tonight. i wann to go dating w bf. it have been quite some time since we had one. :(

2011-02-26T20:51:00.002+08:00

boyfriend couldnt stop looking at other girls despite me dressing up for him. boyfriend couldnt stop complimenting other girls despite me trying to look my best & waiting for him to say "baby, ure look beautiful"

why is it so hard for me to get all those small attention from him that other girls, or i should say strangers, get?

but afterall, thats a typical thing guys did right? so i have to be immune to it? trust ne guys, u might thing its a petty thing but every girls are hurt by this.

& yes "im constantly afraid that im not good enough"

i wann exams to end. i tottally have no mood to face any more papers. im in my holiday mood. :(

2011-02-21T22:05:00.002+08:00

ive hold back my tears for quite some time that i couldnt hold it back any longer. exams gonna be in two weeks' time & im really not prepared. i cant seem to concentrade, maybe im really just too tired. have been feeling sick lately but i just act normally. migraines & flu & sore throat & fever & gastric & itch.

yes i didnt tell anyone. whats the use? they will end up telling me go doc & eat medicine. im still not cured. i just need rest but i cant i need to study. as for my gastric i really have no appetite to eat so what can i do? the itch yes that fucking itch! is giving me alot of problems. i really coudlnt take it anymore, i made it bleed.

& yes its very ugly. so why ppl must still lie to me? just to make me feel better? how? went to docs & nthg is curing me. and appointment is still fucking long! this really depressed me.

& the thought of my dad just makes me cry more.

i was so panic when i lost this piece of paper for my coming exams. called my friend's clique & a girl sound me off for being in contact w her guy? ehh wtf sia. today was the first time i contact him to pass him some school stuff & u fucking me off thinking that i have something w him?

anw thanks friend. u helped me.

my day started out great with baby texting me a gd morning msg.

but my day ended very stressful.

why am i such a burden to everyone?
anybody understand how i feel? no. anybody to cheer me up? dont bother. im just tooo DEPRESSED.

2011-02-18T20:50:00.002+08:00

we met for two hours yest. & now i miss him again. we're gonna face exams next week onwards. on thr 4th march onwards my manager gonna settle my schedule. which means i wont know whats my schedule will be = i cant fix a date with baby. so when are we meeting again? idk seriously. :'(

2011-02-16T20:57:00.000+08:00

i feel better thanks to both of them =)

2011-02-16T19:23:00.001+08:00

tmr is the last paper for this week's lecture tests. im fucking tired alrdy. & im seriously so scared. ive not been able to overcome my fear yet : panic.

panic & i cnt do 2 of my papers. panic & i still cant get my turning right. wasted 100 bucks sia ayu!

last time i met baby was on mon. tmr thurs, im staying in sch until night. fri im packed w work, prac & seeing a doc. sat work & study. sun work & study. then the following week is baby's exam. followed by mine. how to meet like that? =(

2011-02-14T15:50:00.002+08:00

HAPPY 2ND ANNIVERSARY FAZLIN & MATIN! =D

heheheheh. sorry ehh i lak yg sebok2 counting down. hehhh. stick strong with each other alright. bring more nos to this relationship of urs :D have fun datinggg~!

2011-02-11T22:22:00.002+08:00

iwann: asl aizan tk keje uhh nari?

me: mummy yg cancel. cut cost peee. satu hari laki aku kat umah. risau aku.

zul: tgk uhh wann, aizan kua dier risau, aizan kat umah pon dier risau. -.-

HHAHAHAHA! UHH UHH LUHH! HEHHH! *hides face*

when he's outside, of course i'll worry. when he's at home, i know he's sad. so bored nthg to do at home, thats why i also worry. aiyoyoyoyo!

2011-02-11T21:25:00.001+08:00

doc said i have poison in my big intestine. due to i cant shit! he said i need to have my 3 daily meals. how to when i cant even have a proper meal? everytime i look at food, i feel like vomitting. thats how bad my appetite is. can someone pls teach me how to level up ur appetite? :(

2011-02-10T22:04:00.000+08:00

miscommunications happened. i could hardly concentrade in sch. true enough, we are both damn tired. but i hope we could go through this till sem 3.1 ends. i love u baby. <3

2011-02-09T22:07:00.002+08:00

friend, you are not ur usual self lately. although it seems like we dont notice it, we actually did observe u. why keep it to urself? we shared our problems tgt right? keeping it to urself makes us feel super worried. if u dont wish to open up any time soon its alright we dont force u to. just allow us to help u by smiling & joking tgt w us again kayy!

walaupon kau irritating gler part tk senonoh kau tuhh, a sudden change by keeping quiet doesnt help either. :(

2011-02-07T21:15:00.003+08:00

felt super tired these few days. what more when i have to work & sch with so many things in mind. the drug i took really makes me feel super weak. my skin isnt getting any better either. i feel uglier & uglier as each day past by. i swear im super jealous when i saw girls with those nice skins. i used to have that too. until this unknown sickness im having. i feel super depressed, tried all sorts of ways, i even went to the hosp but the stupid doc doesnt have the iniative to refer me to the skin specilist. wasted going there often & wasted most of my dad' s money. & nthg seems to get cured.

sadly, i couldnt wear dresses anymore. cannot wear nice2 to date with baby anymore :(

& my workplace have been cutting cost, its not helping either. now im like earning 300 plus? how to survive like that? come on luhh cant expect me to ask my parents for money right? they have their own troubles too. haish. can i survive? idk. really.

2011-02-01T12:29:00.002+08:00

sorry for the very late update. hehh malas uhh. i mean everyday went out of the house at 7 plus and reached home at 11 plus at night. tiring! =( nthg much to update abt my life actually.

except for baby & i faced problems one after another. we wont be facing it if only baby didnt lie. i was utterly disappointed but u did spare a thought for my feelings though. gosh i dont wish to talk about it again just pls one thing im asking from u, i need my honest bf back with me. stop lying, it wont bring any good.

pls dont force me out of your life. i love u dear.

fazlin's & matin's 2nd anni coming up! =D hehe. aku yg excited. hehh!

2011-01-22T22:56:00.002+08:00

zul: zul da jarang tulis sal party/ club kat twitter kn? da nak slow down uhh. kite g once per month jerr.
me: hmmm kayy.
zul: btol. nak save duit uhh. bli kasut, bli baju. btol ayu.

haish. i cant even trust that. sorry zul. not ur fault. =(

2011-01-17T00:18:00.003+08:00

all our shopping stuffs are in the bag. haha

& after he bought that slippers, he was the most happiest shopper!

2011-01-15T01:16:00.002+08:00

hmm an update about my life. as usual been busy with sch & work. but i hardly meet my baby. we are so caught up with our sch assignments & stuffs. now we have to prepare ourselves for coming exams. sighsss.im really super scared.
lately i have been skipping lectures. partly cause im lazy, mainly cause i felt so weak. really super weak. mentally & physically. i still cant get over what had happned between us. to the extend that im smoking. yes im back to smoking. but im really trying my very best to avoid it again.

due to that baby said im not the Ayu that he knows. i guess its true? cause what ppl have been observing is the Ayu who always hold herself together. they have never seen me crying every day & night & really lost control of myself. im sorry but thats who i am right now. someone who is strong enough to lead me back? i really need that help.

i wanna do my pracs. but dad broke his promise again? when i asked him for the money he said he promised to only pay for TP. was there a miscommunication again? idk. i really dk who i can trust. i really dk how to trust baby again. i really dk if i could trust dad's promises again. =(

"because of u, i find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me. because of u i am afraid"

2011-01-13T22:37:00.002+08:00

1 . Tell her she is beautiful.
2 . Hold her hand whenever you can. she loves that.
3 . Kiss her on the forehead.
4 . Leave her voice messages to wake up to.
5 . Always tell her shes the only girl you wanna be with.
6 . When she is upset tell her how much she means to you.
7 . Recognize the small things … they mean the most.
8 . Call her baby.
9 . Sing to her no matter how horrible your voice is.
10 . Pick her over all the other girls you hang out with.
11 . Write her notes. (she loves them)
12 . Introduce her to family and friends as your girlfriend.
13 . Play with her hair.
14 . Pick her up, tickle her and play-wrestle with her.
15 . talk to her without having to kiss her.
16 . Tell her funny jokes, tell her stupid jokes, just tell her jokes.
17 . tell her when you miss her.
18 . Let her fall asleep in your arms.
19 . open her car door.
20 . If she’s mad at you, kiss her.
21 . Give her piggyback rides.
22 . randomly tell her when you think she looks her best.
23 . Treat her the same around your friends as you do when your alone.
24 . Look her in the eyes and smile.
25 . Let her take as many pictures of you as she wants.
26 . Slow dance with her, even if there isn’t any music playing.
27. Don’t EVER ignore her, no matter who is around.
28 . Kiss her in the rain.
29. tell her EVERYTHING thats goin on your in your life. she wants t o know.
30 . WHEN you fall in love with her … Tell her.

2011-01-10T20:57:00.000+08:00

The most hurting part in life: to get urself back up on your own two feet.

2011-01-09T12:07:00.002+08:00

dont forget im still by ur side. (: dont give up easily or u'll be letting urself down.

2011-01-04T23:55:00.002+08:00

i guess i finally got the ans as to why i kept crying non stop everyday & night. confessions made; im glad u told me the truth that u lied instead of me finding out that u lied.

i gave the second chance, which u kept begging me for. i hope u will do smthg to mend our relationship & makes it better. im still not cured, im just gonna put facades, again. expect me to cry out of the blue. & i hope u realise that u've hurt me so deep inside.

i gave u the second chance was because u made the effort to tell me the truth & i guess u really regretted through the tears that u've cried. everybody makes mistakes, & thats fine. but its the matter of u've learned from it or not.

i really wanna start a new life. so i hope u're by my side for this. u know ive suffered too much & i seriously cant take any of this any longer.

2011-01-02T21:08:00.003+08:00

a new year huh? well 2010. sch was sucky of course. family stays the same. work is getting bored. friendships seems to be broken. relationship faced ups & downs.

ive cried alot since baby's birthday. & i really cant stop crying. i dont share with anyone cause i guess its just abt me losing control of myself? i could barely smile & laugh. once baby sat next to me & look deep into my eyes. i wasnt crying or anything but baby just asked " b, why are u feeling so sad?"

i was touched by it & tears fell. the tears that ive been holding back throughout the moment i went out with him. i told him everything that i felt. & im really upset with those SBP pictures.

haish. this year, i really wanna have a changed life? i wann to laugh & smile & feel good about myself more. i cant stand to keep getting hurt by people. people who dont appreciate my concern, people who thinks im worthless in their life. im sorry if im really worthless, its okayy i'll walk away from your life & stick with my loved ones.

im really trying to be happy. i wann to be happy w my friends, baby, & i hope family too. insyaallah.

2010-12-30T23:33:00.000+08:00

i love you girlfriends. finally we get to meet up (:

2010-12-30T00:17:00.002+08:00

celebrated baby's birthday yesterday. (: happy birthday syg, hehh belatedd. i know & im sorry its such a typical celebration. but really thanks for celebrating w me.

2010-12-25T23:00:00.002+08:00

so this is how i spend my holidays.
with my beloved CBTL family members. =D

iwann: treasure your family while you have them.
me: yknow what? we may not be facing the same family prob, but i guess ive lost them too.

its really hurting. i cant lie anymore. ive been feeling lonely without them. while we were working, this was found at the pick up counter.

& iwann & zul said it was meant to be for me -.- sorry skit ehh. hahah

zul: zul nak alek, mlm jumpe aizan.

me: alahhhh zul, skali skale kua ngan ayu uhh. asl kua ngan aizan jerr. tk jelak ke tgk muker dier hari2?

zul: -.- ckp org.

HAHAHAHAHHAH!

2010-12-23T22:18:00.002+08:00

my mind so fucking blank! i cant do my tuts, i cant do my projects. they are all simple tasks & yet i couldnt do? maybe cause its holidays so my mind wanna be free from thinking? but thats bad. i need all these to be done within a week. :O yup im working full shifts lately, ppl say i crazy but what else can i do? i need $, & i really dk how else to spend my holidays. i cant study due to this stupid blank mind, i cant go out; my money are reserved. it will be ridiculous if i wanna meet baby often, cause we'll be meeting at work most of the time. girlfriends? well that need cash too yknow.

hard hard hard. haiya im really sick of my life alrdy. same old fucking cycle that ive been going through for two years now? im easily pissed nowadays & its reaaaaaaaalllyyy hard for me to smile what more laugh?

i miss her (up in the picture) though we've met recently, i still miss her. :( i feel like im missing so many ppl. i hate my heart, why is it filled with negative emotions? i hate my mind too, it is filled with negative thoughts. fuck them! >:(

2010-12-22T22:39:00.002+08:00

okayy i recahed home & i was pissed off. isnt it normal for me? or should i say isnt it expected for me?

im doing my projects now. i have 4 im done with two. im half way with my accounts. im stuck at one ques. i feel so lost. can anyone kindly help me? a simple question from me & the task can be easily done once i got my answer. :(

im gonna work from tomoro onward all the way to mon. i can take it, i dont mind. but im really worried about my projects. *insert sad face*

2010-12-21T22:18:00.001+08:00

random outing with baby. when to had our lunch cum dinner at KFC first & serious seii thanks alot to baby's frined. she feed us alot & only charged us $8.10 :O super full till now im damn full. so just sat around with baby, enjoying each other's company.

i love you sayang (:

2010-12-21T11:18:00.002+08:00

outing to seoul garden then pool then flyer. hahha. idk what to say luhh. but flyer is boredom. its really not worth it for even 15 bucks ( cause we have 1-for-1 tix) then pool. haha initially alll so lemau. then as time goes by, even my baby who kept saying he's not into pool ended up winning me. hmph.

so yea the pool king is ZUL! then followed by his queen LEEN! & their knight AIZAN! hahah. & of course me their peasants. loll.

then aft everything we just chills at esplanade. it was quite a tiring day.

next outing : pulau ubin. ZUL PLAN! =D

2010-12-20T09:44:00.002+08:00

test week is finally over. im glad. (: my pslp paper, hahah! the teacher gave us the ans skim to us. so what we did we memorised the MCQ ques before they collect back the ans. haha. never had a paper like that seii.

so aft test week, its working week. ive been working full shifts for 2 straight days; isnt that nice? tired of course larh. who not tired seii. but im glad that im able to at least cover up back my 2 weeks of not working due to test.

my adapter is spoilt. & brothers kept using lappy until the lappy dies. means no proper shutting down & i always have the hard time to do my stuffs in my own lappy. wtf right? i had to charge until its full & they will use until it dies. of course my lappy will stay there since its dead. but once its alive again, everybody wanna use. then how the fuck should i do my 4 projects within 2 weeks? cb sia. really pissed off.

& yea i had this ques in mind :
if a child breaks his parents heart & bring tears to their eyes is a biggest sin, then what if vice versa?

im really utterly disappointed & yet he can still ask " why cant u ever smile? always have a grumpy face & never even laugh?"

u know what? im sick & tired of everything. i had enough of empty promises, allegations & hurt. because of this im insecure. because of this i lose myself. because of this im depressed. because of this i have a problem w trust.

ive started my prac one. so this means i have to spend more time at work to earn more money. i really feel as though i dont have a life.
sch. work. sch. work.

i really miss spending time with all my babes. & its really hard to be a manager. thats the reason why until now i cant meet kak seri. i need to talk to her. im really lost right now. to me, she's my only family that i truely love.

went to baby's house that time. hugged his mum & his mum whispered "syang dier" thanks that made my day. (:

fazlin, get well soon. why u didnt call me up when u need someone to talk to? i admit, i have no words of advice or words to make u feel better. but i have those ears to listen. i may be busy but my mind cant stop thinking of all my lovely babes. i really miss them :(

alhamdulillah, things between faz & fir gets better. (:

2010-12-14T11:39:00.002+08:00

a guy had the same thought as me. i kept mum cause i always tell myself that im thinking too much & ur words kept replaying in my head.

"smile is the best way to overcome all problems; silence is the best way to avoid all problems. so its better to have a silence smile"

ya thats what im doing. i cant say what i wanna say cause it might not be what is happening & it will just makes things worse & i might end up like my bestie.

a lesson learnt from my bestie's situation:
never to talk unless its important. always hold back ur tears cause every single tear dropped shows how weak u are. always think in a guy's point of view; cause guys think with their head & girls with their heart. so it is not a good thing to think with ur heart.

why girls always say: only his smile makes me laugh only when he's happy im ecstatic.
irritating kn tuhh sentence? but thats what all girls will be saying; no matter how strong they are that sentence is still deep in their hearts.

guys said: to understand a guy is easy, what they give is what you get. unlike girls, u have to think whats the true meaning underneath every single word they said.

eg: when a girl said go away, she actually means hugg me tight.

ishhh i hate to think of this. i still cant understand guy's language.
when i stepped out & looked at the overview, i'll be thinking why girls so complex? guys said A means A why must think so much about it?

but when i stepped back in, i'll be back to those complex girls.

when i stepped back, i can see the truely happy couple.but when i stepped in, i feel something missing when baby will say nothing is missing.

why like that sia? irritating much. i only got myself to blame right? me myself my past.

irry: its time for u to let go of ur past & go through ur present & future with him babe.

im trying. i dont wann to be like my bestie. & im really trying to convince myself that u & her = nothing.

i love u syg. :)

2010-12-12T23:07:00.002+08:00

yay! im no more sick. erm kayy now cough cough larh. still irritating much -.- well exams tomoro! i really thank to those who came. lag2 mus. u're are the one who kept saving us! best uhh bro. hehhh. & yea as usual mus will always be the one to make all those funny things. hahah. starting jerr da kekek!

baby was supposed to come but he didnt cause he was tired. okayy i mean why must he when he's super lethargic & cant concentrade right? he wanna meet up tomoro. the reason why i dont wanna meet up cause we will study abit & in the end lepak. u know it too right dear? but since he insist then okayy we'll study together. tues no paper how bengap was i? but i had to study for two modules uhh. wtf larh. haish can i just fast forward next week?

rezman tot i went to zouk last night. hahah

rezman: u g zouk smalam?
me: g uhh. u?
rezman: yeap g. u g ngan sape?
me: hahaha. i tk g larh. me clubber? u sure anot?
rezman: i also not clubber. i worker. i work there last night pompan kat situ smua muke lawa perangai pecah.
me: alah pompan cm gitu jgk seii laki suke.
rezman: suke? meluat siot tgk drg.
me: hahahaha. i go club kena tk?
rezman: kena.. kena penampar :)

wahh i cnt forget ppl always have first impression clubbber on me. saddened much. kayy larh wanna sleep soon. prolly aft exams i'll return. toodles! :)

2010-12-12T00:23:00.001+08:00

today we made $3K!

iwann & me: ZOUK OUT UHH MUMMY! =D

mummy: crazy people -.-

2010-12-10T22:26:00.002+08:00

i feel so sad. this week have been so wasted for me. whenever i wanna study, i would feel super lethargic. & since yest i wanna study, i cant. cause of my stupid damn flu which makes me super weak. :(

i pity baby. he have been coming down to my howntown to accompany me to study no matter how tired he was but i just couldnt. he spent his last dollars to buy me medication. i feel so blessed being with him.

& im so sorry fazlin for not being there for u. im at my lowest point myself. :(
i feel so bad. i cant console fazlin & i have no words to cure faz's deep wound in her heart.
insyaallah, things will be fine for all. amin.

2010-12-07T22:36:00.002+08:00

what would u do when ur bestie called you crying helplessly cause she have lost someone that she truely truely love?
what would u do when you are lost in a module?
what would you do when there is no one to help( no lecturers no friends) are there to help?
what would you do when its hard for you to sleep everynight due to u're feeling sick & u have to wake up early in the morning?
what would you do when ur body is reluctant but ur mind is saying" i have to do it"?
what would you do when u feel more lost when a new day comes?
what would you do when you have too many to handle & yet your mind can still think about other too many stuffs?
what would you do when your eyes are heavy, your body is weak, but your mind still thinking?
what would you do when you cant even hear the songs that you wanna hear to calm youself down?
what would you do when the last thing you can depend on to make you feel awake is your hp but it is not working in any way?

this was my day today. & im really not feeling gd. bye.

2010-12-06T23:30:00.002+08:00

6th dec finally came. nnyahahha. most waited day for irry to shisha i guess? hehh. well, at least we get to catch things up. & as time goes by, we just get more uneasy. more ppl who drinks coming in & their this one stupid guy who kept looking at us. its like FUCKING OBVIOUS sia! nie larh laki zaman skrg. nak tgk pon tk tau nak cover2. tsktsktsk. tkde skill unlike me. =D hahah hehh.

i dragged two cans of redbull today & really redbull will make me excited the next day.

so just now while talking i suddenly get super hyped.

me: omggg the redbulls are working arldy.

irry: are u high because of the redbull or because of me? *kening up2*

omggggg! did irry just flirt? hahahahahaah not bad. naseb i straight HAHAH!

then the stupid guy randomly sit next to me & thats the cue for us to go.

so tata shisha!

& we saw aunty internet. awww she's so awww larh. she is love!

me: i got gd news!

A.I : what good news?

me: u rmbr the fucker, he alrdy fck out of my life & now i found someone who treats me better than anyone else. ^^

A.I : wahh pas nie tunjuk cincin tunang ehhh.

hahahahaa. insyaallah. kayy gtg wanna bath & study till i fell asleep.

gdnight loves. xoxo

2010-12-05T23:01:00.003+08:00

happy birthday to my two loved ones. may Allah bless u both :D aminn! (:

so had a random date with baby just now. ouh ouh i must really quote this. while eating at KFC, we talked about club,

me: since kak seri didnt stop me from goign club like how she did when i smoke, she just said i have the freedom once im 21 & im free to do anything, then i shall go to club. =D by then u're in NS, & u told me once u msok NS u will stop all this & start everything good.

baby: NOOOOOO! like i told u, u can only go with ME. if u wanna go when u're 21, then fine, i'll go with u.

me: tkde uhh. u kate u nak stop seii. get ur mind & desicion straight. since u wanna stop when u nak msok NS, then fulfil it. lagpon are u saying u dont trust me? i wont dance with guys larh.

baby: but all guys there will confirm look at u. lag2 ble u joget confirm smua tgk seii.

me: so? u ble tgk matair org, org tkle tgk matair u uhh? nie uhh laki ego. drg tgk jerr perr bukannye drg ble dapat i.

baby: mane tau. but still no, if u insist, go with me. if u dont wan, till we meet there.

me: huhh?! tkde uhh. limit2 i g ngan kak seri or herleen. come on u trust them seii. im not goign with u.

baby: then we'll meet there.

me: asl u insecure nie? kalau u nak i trust u, u mesti trust i jugak seii. normal perr for guys to look at girls. so?

baby: i da ckp kn u nak g, g ngan i.

me: tkde uhh. skrg i tk g ngan u perr. so ble u NS i g ngan my own cliques.

baby: its not that i don wann to go w u, its u who cant. so when u wanna go, i'll be there. tkde tkde. jgn nak ngade2 g sane without me.

& the conversation goes on actually. hahahaha! it feels nice, but still contradicts kn? hahahaha. alah baby, i really dk if it were to happen. cause once im 21, its a nature for me to really think & concentrade on my present for my future; one of it is you. :D

then we lepak-ed under my void deck, we were still trying to think of better ways for us to keep in touch as often as we do here when im in china later. tears were forming in my eyes & really that topic just made us dont wann to let go. i mean who wants to? so then baby hugg me & just lay on my shoulders, without knowing that there was a police car & they horned at us?! -.-"

2010-12-04T12:36:00.001+08:00

im so glad that we managed to solve & calm down fast. its so hard to face a day when u know that u are not going well with ur partners. cant concentrade, feel moody always. i bet every couples encounter that right?

yesterday after eating breakfast with baby, we took train for him to drop at yck & for me to drop at somerset. it was super packed & suddenly my msg tone rang. * my msg tone is my blog sone, the electro part*

i guess i get everybody's attention & to make things worse,
baby: see see clubber. tsktsktsk *saying out loud while pointing at me*

-.- thanks uhh bacen!

2010-12-02T17:18:00.002+08:00

what happened last night? why must u bring him back to my memory & why bother talking about other guys when its u who i need? u asked why i kept asking that ques. ur friend told u that i need reassurance. yes baby. thats what i need at that point of time. i can tell you, im not the only girl who would ask that question to their boyfirneds when they're in a middle of a fight. but i know every guy would tell us, that ques is fucking irritating especially when we're in a middle of a fight.

i guess initially its really my fault? if i shut my mouth this wont happen? im sorry for being super unfair to u; my past affecting my trust to u & stuff. im sorry if im expecting too much & pls stop saying im trying to mould u. cause u are my perfect u. i said my pain out cause i thought u would understand my pain, but in the end we just hurt each other deeper again.

& i shared with my friends. i guess im being too fearful that i tend to be ridiculous.

reuben: both of u love each other so deeply, so its really a stupid thing for both of you to fight cause it'll end up hurting each other.

2010-11-29T21:50:00.003+08:00

woohooo! fazlin complain alrdy. nyahhahaha.

babeee, i dont wann to update my down part of my life but since i hardly get to meet u, i'll share with you what is bothering me lately.

firstly, i ammmm super super busy. work to sch to assignments to tests to work to sch to assignment to test. really non stop. i hardly get my rest, from 8 hrs to 7 hrs to 6 hrs & now 5 hrs of sleep daily. my body cant take it anymore. but wad can i do? i really have to scarifice those sleeps to succeed in my studies & earn more money right? :( but tomoro im gonna be bad. nyahhhaa. i wanna skip sch just fr me to sleep. lucky my sch no attendance taken during lecture unlike NYP! =D

so other than that, my dad officially wanna send me to china. he is so stubborn. i mean i really dont get it. he said he's doing this for my future job opportunity okayy fine that i can agree. but other than that such as " ur cousins didnt wann it either but now they're extending their stay there" my question is SOOO?! i mean im so freaking tired of to be compared with my cousins. whats there to compare me with them? i am me they are them. right?

during sec sch, my parents really compare me with my beloved cousing, seri. okayy find she's in the best sec sch in tamp, she is from express & she did well. my dad told me not to be in express cause he doubts i can make it due to my bros are in acad stream. while my mum told me to take F&N instead of science class so i can have higher chance to excel like my cousin. but what for? i was still in express, 1st class express & i still made it to poly with my interest in sci.

now they're sending me to china cause my indon cousins are doing so.

so tell me, what is unique about me when everything is compared? why cant i lead my life, with my own thing not following others' success?

i cant take it, everytime i think of it, tears will flow down without any hesitation. 2 yrs there. i cant meet my bf & friends for every 6 months? my guy would be in NS, wouldnt he look forward to meet me when he booked out every week? but since im not here, who is he looking forward to meet? i cant even be there for my friends if they have probs? if they need me to listen? why must it be me? why they never have the thought to send my bros?

yknow, i asked my mum why cant u ask bros to help u financially? i cant give her more than im giving her. & i jolly well know, the amount that i gave her is superly pathetic. but thats all i can give. whats my pay compared to my bros? & my mum can still ans me:

they have alot to pay. their motor their bill etc.

wahhhhhh! then i got nthg to pay uhh? i work like one stupid fucking girl for my own wants uhh? for me to shop around uhh? they as man are supposed to have the thought of putting some money aside for my parents. but why must it be me who have to think to put aside my money & when im not able to give her money she'll give me that sulky face?

where are they when the family face biggest conflict? when everybody in this house cried, shouted to each other & stuff?

i still remember clearly my 2nd bro called me up & said:
tell ibu im working tonight. haish i just don wann to be at home.

WTF RIGHTTT!

every morning i woke up due to my parents fighting. i had to cool them, wipe both their tears, listen to how they feel. what can i do sia? i had to sch & work also right. while my brothers can just go out when they fight & come back when things gets better.

& now, everything im doing is wrong. i blackface due to im tired or whatever reason, they say i never tried to smile for family. im always rude to family. im this im that. i only think of myself. never wanna try to understand hwo they feel.

the fucking problem is ive been taking care of their hearts for too long that now? who is taking care of mine?

my bf then come into my life. nobody except my first bro accepts him to be my guy. why? my bro can just bring new gf in the family just like that & my parents could entertain her with all their hearts but once it come to mine, they gve black face. CAN U TELL ME WTF IS THAT SUPPOSE TO MEAN?

i had to depend on my guy to be my bf & my family. & of course my friends are there for me too. but now my dad wants to seperate me with my loved ones?

i cant stand to see my bf cried that night. i cant stand the question that my bf asked. my friends are telling me to fight for my rights. but what can i do? they are alrdy used to me listening to them & not go against them. i cant say the hurt im feeling cause i had to spare a thought on them. am i so nice? why cant i be evil for once just to get my life?

dear fazlin,
it feels super unfair & idk how much longer i can endure this pain. *crying*

2010-11-20T13:48:00.002+08:00

went to musical at NYP yesterday. it was funny larh. woot woot! hahah. actually i got nothg to say. but leen see u soon kayys. holsss! :D

&&&&&&&&&&&& i super love this photo. hahaha. they're just super comel arent they. hehhh. last lonng kayys krgggg. there are shits on the path when u're on ur way to a shop called DEODERANT. ahahhaha. mepek but aslkn u get the pic kayy. stay strong couples! :D

i was so excited to show my mum smthg.

me : ibu i wann show u smthg. lawa tk?

ibu: :DD *excitedly wanna see*

& thus i show her this!

ibu: -.- tak lawa uhh!

me: alah. ble larh. pas car i nak bike. ble kn kn kn? i mintak permission nie. mesti dpt restu baru ble pass.

ibu: pas car u nak ambke lesen lag, u g ambek kereta api. hahah!

me: -.-

2010-11-17T15:58:00.002+08:00

happy people makes me happy. hahaa. i swear i wasnt in the mood yesterday. i was feeling super tired. really really ive not had a proper rest. work, im super sick & tired of it alrdy but im super in love with my colleagues. its hard to have colleagues that just enjoy working with u & to the extend that we can trust them like our own family. well, this is the place i'll go whenever i wanna escape from home. ahhhhh! its gonna be hard to bye bye. (:

2010-11-15T21:03:00.002+08:00

went to collect my lens with my beloveds together with reuben today. the guy who sold me the lens asked if i could come aft 530pm cause the stock is not in yet. so yea. i had to make a double trip. i don mind i wann my lens back! :(

anw, the guy said
"i saw ur grps of friends, i can see that u have chosen right friends. the ones that can be there when u need them & u guys can really communicate well. one of ur friend (not gonna specify who) have this character build that cannot be changed. she have a negative character"

somehow i agree with him but person just dont seem to realise. haish. after then i just realised pppl who are close to u can say "i know him/her best" but strangers, who dont know him/her well, observes & knows the true character of oneself as much as the close ones know.

i dont wann to have alot of friends who bastard me but a countable amount of friends who loves me. ive went through enough.

2010-11-11T21:17:00.000+08:00

i miss him

i love us

2010-11-08T20:14:00.002+08:00

i pity myself. my ulcer is not getting better but bigger & im having a bad headache now. idk why. i thought because of ive nt had my dinner but once i reached home & eat, it became worst. :

ulcer cure fast fast larh pls. i wanna take more pictures with baby. the picture above is the only picture i took with him this month. both of us super pucat i know. just end work so expect that. hehh.

haish. i know sometimes i would share my sadness/disappointment/ anger about baby in fb or in blog. but im really trying to avoid that. i don wann our fight to be all over the net. recently baby post "im a bad bf..." in fb. i dont like. i mean ppl who cares asked me whats wrong & stuff. i just don wann them to think baby is a big bully who made me cry hard that night. & i dont wann ppl to buy the "im a bad bf" thingy just because of some shits. alah. isnt it normal? i made baby cry too. & of course i gt my blablabla by faz for hurting baby. hehh. okay suddenly i forget what i wanna post.

but pls ehh syg. as far as i can take it, i never wann to talk bad abt u thru net. any hurts that i feel i only tell faz, atiqah,, fazlin & irry. so PLEASE DONT TALK BAD THINGS ABT URSELF. like ive said, u've been taking a very gd care of me. & i appreciate it much. thank you. *bowss*

the night before i fight w baby i had this nightmare

baby: think about ur attitude okayy. keeping things to urself how am i suppose to understand the situation u're in?
me: ouh so now u cant stand me anymore uhh? i burden u so much kn & u never wann admit. ur body language show it all okayy. enough is enough uhh i wann to be alone. i wann to ask for time out.
baby: ape time out time out? puas hati break kan!
me: see u have been wanting that kn? gd larh break uhh break uhh. bagos! *walks away*
baby: *grabs my hand* ehh jgn nak mepek uhh. u know i dont mean it kn. ehh fuck! stress sia aku. b pls larh we can go thru this together.
me: u've said it. theres no way u can take back ur words. *walks away*

goshhhhh! it felt so real. then i cnnt sleep anymore. :'( baby called but i couldnt tell cause it can make me cry while sharing. so baby this was the nightmare i had. T.T

i love u syg. (:

2010-11-07T22:50:00.002+08:00

this is so true. sometimes i cant even distinguish my facade & feeling truely happy. is that a sign of depression? or trying too much to be strong? or indifference? i miss me. :(

2010-11-01T14:10:00.002+08:00

bacen seii saiful!
we went to bank during our break as my friend wants to make another bank account.then he saw my atm card.

saiful: dok g tuka uhh.
me: huh? tknak uhh. leceh seii.
saiful: aper yg leceh. tkya bayar pon. tukar larh.

so i took out my ic & atm card & pass them to him.
& he cant stop staring at me. :s

saiful: asl manje sgt nie? g ckp sendiri larh.
me: tknak. aku tkot larh nak bboal ngan drg.
saiful: kau kenape? stakat ckp " i wanna change to GO! card" susah sgt?
me: tknakkkkk. kau ckp kn aku pls pls pls.
saiful: aper tuhh org makan kau smpi kau tkot gini mcm? aku tgh ajar kau to face people nie. nanti ble kau da besar cmne? nak aku bboalkn kau jugak? *angry face*
me: don wann. * low tone*

seram seii. in the end he did talked for me. i really dk how to speak up. thats why im nvr gd in confrontations.

2010-10-30T20:52:00.001+08:00

congrats SAIFUL AMIRUL! cheyy da pass motor seii dier. *claps hands*
today we had to go to jurong island to see what we can do when we are going to the working world. i can say im still confused over fuel or drugs?
so i had to wake up this kambing early in the morning & lucky me he woke up during my first call. :D

at sch
me: kau da pass kn? kau tkmo nak tpu uhh kambing!
saiful: hmph! tap kan aku tkle tumpang kau. mak aku kate ble da de moto tkle tumpang pompan plus aizan tk kasi kn kn kn? *blueksss*
me: ouhh gini. da pass kn.. actionnnnn!

at jurong island
saiful: ehh baik perr road dier. ble race sia. kau imagine aku race beyy limit2 skid uhh then koayak/ patah sane sini then masok hosp.
me: kau da kenape! tkde keje lain? ble save duit tknak tau! nak sgt msok hosp? kalau mati cmne?!
saiful: choy choy choy! tk syg mulut. da uhh aku tknak tumpang kau *majok*

-.-

2010-10-28T22:20:00.003+08:00

its really hard to support oneself. kids grow up to be an adult. kids have to learn to be independent from their own family. financially, emotionally & physically.

i have to admit im struggling deep down in the sea. im the kind who really tries my best not to hurt anyone who are close/ whom i loved alot. im the kind who think of others before me. but in the end, these ppl think that im rude, self-centred, nvr tries to understand them or care about their problems & feelings. so in the end i feel the painful wounds. but i keep them to myself. i dont speak up to them cause im super uncomfortable in sharing my problem with them.

so in the end i throw everything out to my friends & boyfriend. cause i am comfortable sharing my true feelings to them. in the end it became a complain from my mouth to their ears. yes i know they care thats why they still hear me out. but they are as mad as i am as i encounter everything repeatedly.

& i feel that i burden all of them alot.

my bf, he have been going through it all with me. he went extra miles to help me feel better & solve any problems that i encounter. im really thankful that i have him as my bf. cause non of my exs did sacrifice as much as he did. thanks baby. no words can describe how much i appreciated him.

i wish for all this to end soon, but it seems like it'll never end.

2010-10-27T13:08:00.000+08:00

haish. what a life i had. was super busy with work. & ive been out early in the morning & late at night. well i always do that hehh. soooo many things i wanna update but i guess i forget mst of it alrdy. :(

firstly, im so glad things are fine now. such a relief man. lets have the old times back now.
secondly im in accounting! =D happy or what siaaaa. okayy some ppl said it was hard some said it was easy. i shall judge by myself & do what i like.
thirdly, stupid or what sia... one of my modules is an open book examination. this just tells me that im gonna hate that module? cause no matter how many books ive flipped or whatever i can nvr find the ans anywhere there. so help me anyone? how to face an open book exam? :\

& lastly. idk what is wrong with me. okayy after leen's pit, i was walking to my grandmother's house, baby said my eyes were red. then i was like huh? i dont feel pain or itchy or dry. so then we just kept quiet. but it gets worse as days past by. idk why! i wore my lens it still feel the same, i mean like normal no pain no nothing. then why it doesnt fade away?

so then baby & my besties kept pestering me to go to visit a doc. i cant go to work. :( kena reprimand siaa. :'( then the doc at poly was like
doc: hello. what happpened to u today?
me: i think i gt sore eyes?
doc: hmm yea i can see that. u wear lens?
me: now? no
doc: so u do wear lens.
me: ya?
doc: okayy! its caused by ur lens. u better stop wearing it cause its damaging ur eyes. when was the last time u wear lens?
me: last friday.
doc: see stop wearing.
me: i totally feel its nt my lens cause i dont feel any pain or itch. its just the red eye thingy.
doc: * giving the face of it is lens*
faz: but she have been wearing lens since sec 2. why is it now then she have this red eye thingy since u said lens is not gd for her?
doc: ouhh since sec 2? kayy why nt u use the eye drop. tomoro dont get better go hosp

stupid sia! can just refer me on the spot what.

the next day i had to go to poly again & get referal letter. then headed to CGH.
i had to go thru so many process. it took me 5 hours. blood test. taking pics of my eyes. etc etc
me: is it my lens?
senior doc: no no. its nthg related to ur lens. but u can only resume aft it is totally well.
me: so what is it?
junior doc: u sure ur family dont have eye history?
me: no why? whats wrong?
senior doc: act we dont really know whats the cause of it. we will see into it this fri.

WTF? u dont even know?

now im in sch with specs. i look super ugly. :(((((

2010-10-20T22:30:00.002+08:00

HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY HERLEEN!

woww! i really thought we were gonna be awkward & things gonna be weird but we were cool hehh. we were lost initially then ate for 4 freaking hours & our tummy just grow so bigg! 4 months larh siaa! =D hehh.

we went to eat at seoul garden & heee it was her first time having her meal there so yea! i made a history in her life. we really get to talk & yea i did alot of talking & she did alot of listening. ouhh babe can u talk more next time? hee. we had 3 rounds including dessert round & baby said "impressive" HAHAH!

then we headed to outlet cause thats when we had little surprise for her. we get her to blow a candle & wheee! she's happy. hahah. okayy why im damn happy was because i didnt know that i asked her out during her birthday. so i passed eyy? last min plan tau. *claps hands* hehhh. see u on fri :D

2010-10-20T11:07:00.005+08:00

yesterday was so fun! instead of having fun only in school we did had fun outside tooo. heee i really love my kambings & babies alot. they're the ones that made me smile & laugh in school. i will never forget the roof top memory. that was the funnest. hehh.

& to see how my baby could blend himself in with us really makes me happy. :D

&& happy birthday Herleen. happy 19th birthday. gonna be an adult soon eyyy. better enjoy ur last yr as a teen. :D

& of course my baby is super sweet. he was super tired but he was still there with me when i dont wanna be home. sometimes i do get irritated that he dont allow me to go out alone or hangs out alone but thinking about it positively he is just worried about me wandering around all by myself. hehhh. i know about that long time ago baby. i just love it when u said" g balek larh. merayap merayap sorang2 lak tuhh." hehhh. ;) i love u honey b. :x

2010-10-16T22:01:00.005+08:00

hello!
gosh i really dk where to start. hehhh. firstly, irry's back! :DDD welsome home babe. ((: then after tired of working & working finally happy days came by! yesterday i met syuk & he brought sultan & saifuldin along. we watched the child's eye. i should rate it low. intro menzzzz then middle very scary uhhh then ending sedihhh! byk drama uhhh. shessh! & then faz came along & met my beloved abg azri. ohhhhh wad a night man! i so miss them alot! syuk then gave me my belated so so soooooo belated birthday present. heee. thanks bestie i love it. :D the body shop man! woooohooo!

syuk: ayu! u bought new phone?
me: ya why!
syuk: gosh! lucky siaaa. i wanted to buy u Iphone for ur birthday, they told me to put deposit but i didnt. somehow my heart tell me not to buy it. lucky sia i never buy if i did which one u gonna use?
me: OOOOOMMMMGG! syuk u buying me a hp? are u okayy anot?
syuk: alah china phone nye uhh. nthg much.
me: ehh helo. im just a fren, & u wann buy me hp? *still cant believe*

hahah! sape would expect that right?? :D thanks for the thought bestie. u're still as sweet. (:

today! 16 OCT 2010
went to zoo with herleen zul & baby! wheeeeee~! thanks krg for making it happen. haha. randomly i wanna go out with leen & zul in one day. so i told baby to make an outing so zoo it was. we started everything at 11 & ended by 5 pluss! we brushed the whole zooo! (: we're fit. hehhh. but then we dont really enjoy the show cause we were late & no seats anymore for us plus its freaking hot larh! but it was nice. great job CARLOS! u super cute. i wann u kiss me. :DDD

ouhh ouhh we were at the snake section & haha! i step mane nye expert larh kan! we were at the anaconda *right spelling?* then we saw a small version of it.

leen: tuhh anaconda? cannot be seii.
me: hmmm chill uhh blom grow it must be 3 years old *confident larh tuhh kn!*
zul: ishhh rabak perr nie ular.
aizan: kalau dier belit kau mati sia kau.
me: tkpe zul. u can prevent death kalau kena belit. breath in breath out jerr byk2. :DDDD

hehhhhh. super confident kn. hahaha. i was too tired & i wanna be in the convo so yea mepek stuffs came out from my mouth. fuhhh! it was tiring but worth it right right right?! we gonna have another trip in 2012. insyaallah. :D ouhhh i love the ass below. nyahahahah!

i still dk what zul is trying to do. i swaer like gay siaaa! xD