a chronology of thoughts.
welcome
Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody.
No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside them they’ve all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds.
Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009, 8:25:00 PM
My Mysterious Baby
nobody can ever deny that love hurts..
it does not heal by itself..
but by another love that captures the broken heart
People often said take step by step to know the person before you could actually love him. With the person i've fallen deep for was my enemy, friend, best friend and a person that i've loved wholeheartedly. I understand who he is. His past, his dreams, his hobby, his character, his lies, his heart. We've went through every ups and downs together. Was hurt along the way of the journey, shed tears of happiness and hurt. Stayed patience with his attitudes and unpredictable attitude and still loving him as much, not fading even a single bit. Hope. Thought there was still hope after O levels moments, a moment when i need him by my side, giving me the support when im giving up. But unexpectedly, he said it's over two weeks before O Levels. Shattered. Hopeless. Speechless. Dumbfounded. Hurt. Unbelievable. It's a lie, I thought, but it was the truth. Moved on I thought as the truth but the lie whereby he is over with his ex was indeed a lie. Truth hurts. Lie kills. When through the critical moment which decides my future with a strong heart, was an achievement for me. Since he broke the promise, he stole my full heart but return it with a knife stabbing it, truths that are lies. i wouldnt want to fall in love again. I fear of love and hurt. He haunts me alot...
It was a new year. Started out busy with works and camps. Just to avoid my feelings, our memories, the hurt and everything about him for me to heal. But unfortunately, busy dosent mean you can put everything out of your mind. Cried every night before sleep. Cried every morning before starting a day. Till, fate lead me to another path....
My sister came to my workplace with her hubby and two other friends. Hated the black tshirt guy. A flirt, lazy to study, playboy, ITE year 2, was my first impression for him. I hate the sight of him who keeps disturbing me when i'm trying to take my hungry sister's order. Didnt know what came into me, when they have sat somewhere in the outlet to eat, i think he is cute. When up to my sister (still giving the whatever look to him) and said, i think that guy is cute! Unexpectedly, he send me home after work on that night. That's when i found out that he was actually my age, a studious guy who takes his future seriously, didn't really entertain girls since he was hurt by his last ex which was two years ago. Wow! what attracts my attention was he have the chinese look, and he really cares about his future. Adding on, the TOP N LEVEL student. I love to brag that away for him! The next day came when we actually fell for each other. It's too early, I know. I kept denying my feelings but i cant help it, i missed him the second we said goodbye. After then, he was missing in action. I'm a fool, my first thought. Trying to forget about him when my sis kept convincing me that my feelings wasnt one-sided. How can i trust that?
8 Febuary 2009, the day when my sister and her hubby set him up to meet me. Confessions and promises made. I was afraid to make the promise with him. Not due to my feelings wasn't real for him, but i am afraid to make a similar promise with the previous guy. Though i said, i promise. Actually, i was in a confussion state. I fear, if he broke the promise. If I'm the one who broke the promise. If I hurt him or he hurt me. The most that i fear is for fate to take him away from me and ruined all the happiness that we have planned. What more, we could hardly meet. We are not even in contact. Who would be secured with the promise?
But baby your ring which you loved alot, you told me to hold it. I know it shows something, i was moved. But i am still afraid. The fears are still haunting me. To tell you the truth, i am still feeling insecure. Is it because you are not by my side? You don't text me or call me up at all? Is it because we have not known each other deep down inside? Is it because of the girls who have their hearts for you? Is it really due to the past that I've went through? baby, i cannot deny anymore that you've slowly stealing my heart away from him. You're always on my mind, you're missed by my heart. Every time we meet, hw'd i wish i could stop time cause i dont want to walk to seperate path from you.
Baby, no matter what, I still want you to concentrade in your studies. Strive hard and make your dream to be a reality. I am sooo proud of you with the dream that you've built and the score that you've aimed. You have my support baby, i am right here praying every night for you to achieve your dreams the way i've achieved mine. I understand your situation and i am right here waiting for you. Cant help it but to count down the number of days for O Levels to be over. Go for it baby! Make yourself, your family especially your parents and me proud!
Thinkin' of you I'm thinkin' of you
All I can do is just think about you
Thinkin' of you I'm thinkin' of you
Whenever I'm blue I am thinkin' of you
No matter how I try I don't find a reason why
Believe me it's no lie
I always have you on my mind
No matter what I see guess where I wanna be
Love is the answer I will find
No matter where I go
This is the only show
I'd like to be your girl
Come on and take my heart
No matter where you are
Baby I can't be far
Cause I'll be with you all the time
This feelin' deep inside
When you're right by my side
I'll always be with you
Believe me this is true
Whenever we apart
You're deep with in my heart
Cause you'll be with me all the time
~ Thinking of you by ATC
*I dont want to reveal your identity as long as we're still trying to keep it low.. Missing you badly baby.... <3