a chronology of thoughts.
welcome
Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody.
No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside them they’ve all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds.
Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.
Saturday, July 11, 2009, 8:32:00 PM
you're not mine
Aku tau kamu bukan untukku
I know you're not mine. But yet why are you still the one that i've been thinking about. I feel that among all, your hurt is still fresh. I can still feel the hurt as though it was the day when you said it's over. I never want to think that i still need you. I still have others to shre my problems with, to share my happiness with to build new memories with. Although their love isnt the same as yours, but i believe their love will never leave me like yours did. Their promises are not empty promises unlike yours. of course, they are my loved ones who have went through those thick moments. I know and i believe my loved ones know how i am feeling and are trying your best to make me feel happy. To make me stand up to my own feet again.
I'm so sorry for what had happened yesterday. I was too emotional and i didn't think how you;ve felt. Am so sorry to disappoint u intentionally. I felt that my problems are the same, nothing new. It's just that i feel weaker each day. So, i dont want to burden my loved ones thinking how am i doing or feeling each day when you have your own problems.
Kak, adq dont mean to make you angry last night. I feel sad but yet, that was what i've been wanting from you. A good scolding to wake me up right in front of my face, not through msn. Or maybe a tight slap for me to wake up and fulfil what i've kept telling myself every night" tomoro, will be a new life for me"
Ras, im so sorry to hurt your feelings. I am aware how much you cared about me but yet again, u yourself is depress with your own problems. I've been trying to cheer you up but to no avail. Now, you're trying to make me happy. Why? Why must you make me happy when you're not happy with your life?
Haish. I regretted what happened between me and Ras yesterday but how'd i wish kak was right in front of my face scolding me, giving me a tight slap cause i do need one. I need to wake up. Wake up and move away instead of only crying. But i cant help it.
No matter how strong you think i am or i am seen to be,
Kak, Ras, my loveds..
I'm facing fear each day. I'm just too scared that's why i cant think straight. I cant seem to calm myself down. Idk what else could be done. Idk how else to calm myself down. :'(