a chronology of thoughts.
welcome
Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody.
No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside them they’ve all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds.
Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.
Sunday, August 8, 2010, 10:08:00 AM
last night. it shows everything. i asked u for a permission and even baby said if abg dont allow then its okayy. i talked to u nicely and u bring up my past? yes true i amit my exs aren't clubbers but they are the one who faked their "love" took advantage of me and made me depressed for my whole life for nothing. and yes i did said "they may not be clubbers but all of them are fuckers" what does that all of them means? my fuckign exs. all of them are fuckers thats why they're called exs. my ex who is now my bestie, he hurt me deep inside too. but why i could still take him as my bestie was because among all my exs, he knows me well. i knew he could take care of me and still be there for me, just that we're not meant to be together. but now, are u one of my ex that u thought the word" fuckers" i was refering to u? due to that we had a big fight. due to that, u think so lowly of my guy. do u even know him? just because he's a clubber, u look super down on him. he didnt come up and meet our family cause u look at how our family treat him? none and im saying none! wants to take the effort to know him more. u said u're disappointed that i chose him to be my guy. a clubber to be my guy. yes it really makes me feel super insecure when he goes to club. but pls, why cant u understand that nobody is perfect? as long as i can keep quiet and trust my guy, i will just keep quiet. but when i really cant take it anymore, it will then be between me and him.
im disappointed to hear u said
"kau tkot aper laki kau grind grind, joget ngan pompan lain tuhh smua"
i was expecting u to say
"wait till the day u caught him then u know u couldnt trust him"
but i was wrong, cause u said
"eyy saper2 yg jejak sane smua grind larh sia!"
hello! im so insecure, u as someone that i will listen too said that. making me lose more trust towards my guy? u think lowly of my guy just shows how low u think of me. and it hurts. why? its because people who thinks they know me inside out are the people who critisize me, who look down on me. as long as i believe u dont know me, u really dont know me. judge me and my guy with those naked eyes. judhe me with just the word "fuckers"?
let me tell everyone something, all my exs who took bastard me never cares about what im going through. never even lend me their shoulders what more wiping away my tears. they never care how much they've hurt me all they care about is they, themselves and themselves. but my guy is there whenever im down, try his very best to make me happy.
i do have my own insecurities. i do have my own fear, what if he bastard me? what is he like this like that. but if really happens then i only have my ownself to blame for loving him. but till now, i've never seen anything that could me feel unappreciatted. made me feel im stupid for loving him. truth will be out soon. so there's no use of me to think alot, any mistakes he made, if its meant for me to know, i will know. that what i believe. he didnt come into my life to ruin me further. he is trying to bring me back to the right path.
baby: maybe why He brought me into ur life is for me to help u.
i believe so too. without my friends & baby's support, not to forget kak seri, i would still be smoking. if baby really wanna ruin me, he would teach me to drink. but what actually happened? he stopped both smoking and drinking without any hesitation. i hope He brought me into ur life to help to remind u whats right and whats not.
like for now, i just have the feelings that u dont know me at all and the truth is out last night. it hurts but not deep cause its expected.
im disappointed to hear u said
"kau tkot aper laki kau grind grind, joget ngan pompan lain tuhh smua"
i was expecting u to say
"wait till the day u caught him then u know u couldnt trust him"
but i was wrong, cause u said
"eyy saper2 yg jejak sane smua grind larh sia!"
hello! im so insecure, u as someone that i will listen too said that. making me lose more trust towards my guy? u think lowly of my guy just shows how low u think of me. and it hurts. why? its because people who thinks they know me inside out are the people who critisize me, who look down on me. as long as i believe u dont know me, u really dont know me. judge me and my guy with those naked eyes. judhe me with just the word "fuckers"?
let me tell everyone something, all my exs who took bastard me never cares about what im going through. never even lend me their shoulders what more wiping away my tears. they never care how much they've hurt me all they care about is they, themselves and themselves. but my guy is there whenever im down, try his very best to make me happy.
i do have my own insecurities. i do have my own fear, what if he bastard me? what is he like this like that. but if really happens then i only have my ownself to blame for loving him. but till now, i've never seen anything that could me feel unappreciatted. made me feel im stupid for loving him. truth will be out soon. so there's no use of me to think alot, any mistakes he made, if its meant for me to know, i will know. that what i believe. he didnt come into my life to ruin me further. he is trying to bring me back to the right path.
baby: maybe why He brought me into ur life is for me to help u.
i believe so too. without my friends & baby's support, not to forget kak seri, i would still be smoking. if baby really wanna ruin me, he would teach me to drink. but what actually happened? he stopped both smoking and drinking without any hesitation. i hope He brought me into ur life to help to remind u whats right and whats not.
like for now, i just have the feelings that u dont know me at all and the truth is out last night. it hurts but not deep cause its expected.