a chronology of thoughts.
welcome
Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody.
No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside them they’ve all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds.
Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009, 9:14:00 PM
so stressed up!
Today, 1st April 2009, is such a stressful day for me. For 4 months i can make it through but suddenly I cant take it any longer and broke down in the end.
I am handling two jobs, currently planning a camp, preparing for school..
Jobs.. How would you feel when one of your manager in one of the jobs puts in high hopes that you will do good and take pride in your job but on the other hand, the other job, you just know that you are the worst worker there. I've tried my best to be like the others but I know i am the weakest there. Even my junior are catching up with me. Felt pressurised with both jobs cause one of the jobs I know I have alot to improve in while the other job I have to maintain and also keep upgrading myself. I dont want to dissapoint any of my managers.
Then, my camp. I thought I could take it. But it is really a stressful job to be the overall in charge of the camp. The thing that I am fear most is if there will be laking of participants. I mean I know my cadets well enough! Haish! I am praying for the best.Will be going for recee at SEntosa this Sunday with Fayyadhah and Hakimah.. Cant wait! (:
School.. With these two, I almost forgot about school. I know i was excited about it and i am still excited about it. But i forgot that on the 6th is my reporting day in school and i submitted my schedule to CBTL that i can work on MOn, Tues, Sun. Argh! how can i forget about school. Can someone kindly take over me??.. Syuk! Take over me please!!...
Then, i realised that my financial is seriously so bad! I feel bad. Cause when i am working, Is hould cover every single expenses of myself. I should settle my important bills then i could spend for shopping and stuffs. But instead, all my salary have gone to my metarialistic things and in the end, it dosent make a different for my parents cause they are still suffering to provide for my needs while i spend my salary away for my wants. I feel so bad! I wanted to help my parents and stop being a burden to them but in the end I am still a burden to them. Ayu!.. What's wrong with you??..
I don't know why today I was so moody and emo. Reached home after work and i started to throw tantrums to everyone at home. When out for my meeting with my girls and reached back home around 7 plus going to 8 and i realised everybody at home was so stressed. I guessed ibu cried. I dont know why! why Ayu?.. Why do i keep disrespecting my parents?.. When they gave me the freedom that I have been craving for after O lvels, and this is how i repay them.. :'( Why am i such a typical daughter to them??..
I started to broke down when i start to reflect on all that have been happening. Then it started to flow more when i think alot about things between me and BB. I suddenly start to think of all the negative things with no positive things to shoot back. B, i am afraid. I know you are aware of it. B, please prove to me that i was right. When I met you, i managed to convince myself that there are still a good guy for me and he is you! B, don't leave me. I promise you i will wait for you till you get your Olevel done. B, that's the promise i made on 08 Feb 09. I know you clearly remember my promise. trust me dear, I am not breaking it and im holding strong to it. About 7 more months and the EXAMINATION will be over. i am patiently waiting for that day to come.
Before i say tata to end today's post,
BABY I MISS YOU!
I am handling two jobs, currently planning a camp, preparing for school..
Jobs.. How would you feel when one of your manager in one of the jobs puts in high hopes that you will do good and take pride in your job but on the other hand, the other job, you just know that you are the worst worker there. I've tried my best to be like the others but I know i am the weakest there. Even my junior are catching up with me. Felt pressurised with both jobs cause one of the jobs I know I have alot to improve in while the other job I have to maintain and also keep upgrading myself. I dont want to dissapoint any of my managers.
Then, my camp. I thought I could take it. But it is really a stressful job to be the overall in charge of the camp. The thing that I am fear most is if there will be laking of participants. I mean I know my cadets well enough! Haish! I am praying for the best.Will be going for recee at SEntosa this Sunday with Fayyadhah and Hakimah.. Cant wait! (:
School.. With these two, I almost forgot about school. I know i was excited about it and i am still excited about it. But i forgot that on the 6th is my reporting day in school and i submitted my schedule to CBTL that i can work on MOn, Tues, Sun. Argh! how can i forget about school. Can someone kindly take over me??.. Syuk! Take over me please!!...
Then, i realised that my financial is seriously so bad! I feel bad. Cause when i am working, Is hould cover every single expenses of myself. I should settle my important bills then i could spend for shopping and stuffs. But instead, all my salary have gone to my metarialistic things and in the end, it dosent make a different for my parents cause they are still suffering to provide for my needs while i spend my salary away for my wants. I feel so bad! I wanted to help my parents and stop being a burden to them but in the end I am still a burden to them. Ayu!.. What's wrong with you??..
I don't know why today I was so moody and emo. Reached home after work and i started to throw tantrums to everyone at home. When out for my meeting with my girls and reached back home around 7 plus going to 8 and i realised everybody at home was so stressed. I guessed ibu cried. I dont know why! why Ayu?.. Why do i keep disrespecting my parents?.. When they gave me the freedom that I have been craving for after O lvels, and this is how i repay them.. :'( Why am i such a typical daughter to them??..
I started to broke down when i start to reflect on all that have been happening. Then it started to flow more when i think alot about things between me and BB. I suddenly start to think of all the negative things with no positive things to shoot back. B, i am afraid. I know you are aware of it. B, please prove to me that i was right. When I met you, i managed to convince myself that there are still a good guy for me and he is you! B, don't leave me. I promise you i will wait for you till you get your Olevel done. B, that's the promise i made on 08 Feb 09. I know you clearly remember my promise. trust me dear, I am not breaking it and im holding strong to it. About 7 more months and the EXAMINATION will be over. i am patiently waiting for that day to come.
Before i say tata to end today's post,
BABY I MISS YOU!